I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
