Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
