hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
