I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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