omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
