why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
