dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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