sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
