Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
