What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
