I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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