theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
