Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
