let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
