and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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