I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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