Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
