i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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