So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
