fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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