p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
