I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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