My nipple is on Facebook.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
