Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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