i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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