That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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