i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
