I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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