do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
