Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
