They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
