Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
