your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
how drunk are you?
Several
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
