Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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