Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
