I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there was a trapeze. enough said
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
