I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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