Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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