he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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