Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
