That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize