you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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