I cockslap morals
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
