he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize