party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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