hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
