what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize