things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
