I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
