Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
