I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
from now on my penis is your penis
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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