that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize