so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
