like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
