you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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