i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
