FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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