So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize