She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize