hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
