Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
