all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
