I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
