Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
