You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
