we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
