hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
