Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
