Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
