look no pants
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
