I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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